i'm katie. i'm sixteen years old, and this is my outlet and my documentation of change. photography is what i love to do. i lean on god for everything. i have an amazing boyfriend who is there for me through every problem i encounter. i have an unhealthy love for twilight (like every other teen girl). i'm not really all that typical. i have high standards for everything. i have the most odd and diverse music taste. i'm a sucker for cheese pizza! :) i have an amazing life.
- Watch all 6 Star Wars movies in one day. - Fill my wall with pictures. - Fill his wall with polaroids. - Write messages in a bottle. - Leave the Carolinas together. - Send send + share PostSecrets. - Have him teach me a skateboarding trick. - Do karaoke together. - Watch a foreign movie with subtitles. - Beat an Expert song on Rock Band. - Learn a song on the guitar. - Go to a Waffle House at 6am. - Eat at a sushi restaurant. - Steal a street sign. - Celebrate Christmas in the summer. - Get something done together. - Play ding dong ditch. - Pick out ridiculous clothing and wear it for a day. - Go to the zoo. - Eat a gallon of ice cream in one sitting. - Make a photo album/scrapbook.
Monday-Friday is the same general thing. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday are all generally composed of school and basketball. Wednesday night is either church or a rest night. Saturdays I'm condemned to 4 hours of chores every morning with generally no time to do anything in the afternoon. Sunday is the day I spend time with Matt.
I enjoy it all, though. I love the way things are a lot better than just sitting around and doing nothing. I love the freedom. I love the changes. After basketball is over, I'll be needing to find a job. I've been leeching off my parents for far too long for absolutely everything.
Today was Thanksgiving. That was a change. I got up, got myself ready, cleaned a little, and cooked. My dad was gone. My brother wasn't here either. It was different, but it was still good. Ian, Melanie, Scarlett, Ava, and Trevor came. So, we still had our hands full as much as usual.
On my last post, I was talking about how I wanted to do basketball, but I didn't think there was going to be any possible way for me to get ready for it in time. Well, after I posted that, I asked my dad to help me out for a few days. I'm on the basketball team now. The schedule is super hectic, but I'm really glad that I'm doing it. I can already tell that it's going to be a lot of fun, and it means that I'm going to be able to travel with Matt to all of the away games. My first game is Monday! :)
Besides that, everything is settling down. My grades from my previous school finally got sent to my new school, so that took a lot of stress from me. Everything with Matt is great. To be honest, I was getting a little bored. It had nothing to do with him at all. I was just missing those feelings when you first get in a relationship. I talked to him about it, and he's been doing tons of sweet things lately to make me stop feeling that way. :)
I've been a little stressed out about college lately. I keep getting stuff in the mail about different colleges, and I just have no idea where I want to go. I know I definitely want to get into a Christian college. Today at school, a representative came from Presbyterian College. From the brochures, it looks great. I'm hoping to visit there, Southern Charleston, and Liberty. I'm starting to get worried about scholarships and such, too. I know that I'm going to get scholarships, but I'm just not sure HOW MUCH I'll get. The last thing I want to happen is for me to come out of college with a huge amount of debt. I'm just not sure how I'm going to do it. I'm trying my best to just leave it all up to God right now.
I've also been a little depressed about my friend situation. I mean, I know I have Matt, and I'm extremely lucky for that. Sometimes, I just want a sleepover or some time with a girl friend. I don't feel like I've had a real girl best friend in a long time. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I'm sick of being so shy. I know I need to branch out, I just can't seem to find a way to do that. Even when I TRY to talk to people, I feel dumb. I feel like I've lost my ability to be social. :/
I was in a relationship that was killing me more and more everyday. I was unhappy with my school. I had just lost my best friend. I fought with my parents constantly. I hated not having any freedom. I was still trying to recover my truthful reputation from all the lies that I told. I was living a lie in general. I was miserable.
It's really surprising how much life can change in just one year. We live life day by day and never really notice how much things are changing unless it's a huge change like changing schools or something to that extent. Those things change us a lot, yes, but a lot of the little things effect us more than we tend to notice.
I never really realized how different I am now. I feel like I'm a completely different person. I work harder in school. I only have a few close friends, but that's more than good enough for me. I have an amazing boyfriend who is always there for me and always listens to me no matter what my problems are. My relationship with my parents is better. I'm doing my absolute best to be truthful with everyone about everything. I finally have the freedom I've wanted for so long. Of course, it'd be better to have my full license, but I'm happy with what I have. I never thought I would have my own car at this age. Like I've said before, I'm extremely lucky.
I've had to make a lot of decisions in the past that I've just had to make on faith and nothing else, but every single tough decision that I can recall ever having to make has always worked out way better in the end. The more I watch life piece together, the more I can see how everything works out when you just trust God and go for it.
The only thing now is that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I need to get involved with more things in my life. I love photograhpy, but I need something more. I don't think that's what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm scared to death that I'll be stuck with a job that I'll hate. I've always considering being a teacher, but I always hear teachers talk about how horrible it can be. I'm just not sure anymore. I'm waiting for some answer from God about what I'm supposed to be accomplishing in my life. I just have absolutely no idea.
I also really need to get more involved in things. I go to a school now where I have the option to do things, I just don't know what I want to do. I'm hoping that I can get involved in sports. I definitely don't have enough time to get ready for basketball, but I'm hoping I can at least get decent for softball before the season starts. Matt promised me to teach me how to play soon. I really feel like getting involved in things will help me feel like I have some sort of meaning for my life and help me build relationships with people at my new school.
Somehow, just being in places that I went to in my past just brings back floods of memories. I love where I am right now. I guess it's just a part of growing up. You grow up and leave behind things. I'm just trying my best to let go of the memories I'm leaving behind and focus on all the good things going on in my life right now..
For one, school is going very good. I'm doing pretty good in my class so far, and I'm getting everything caught up that I need to. The only thing I'm really having any trouble in getting caught up is my Junior Project. I really have no idea what I'm going to do for it. Basically, I have to choose a topic and write a 5 page report on it, do an interview, and things like that. I really don't have a clue. It's sad when I don't even know what I'm interested in anymore. I really need to find something that I have a passion for. I love photography, but lately I've just had no inspiration.
Another thing, everything with Matt is great. Seeing each other everyday is making our relationship a lot stronger, and I love it. We fight a little bit.. but not much. I honestly can't fight with him. I feel bad after I say one mean thing, haha. I guess that's really a good thing. It's made switching schools a lot easier with him there to be with me constantly and help me whenever I need it. I'm so lucky. :)
Life in general is still good. I've pretty much adopted my new attitude- I'm lucky for the things I have, so my attitude is going to reflect it. I'm doing my best to kill every speck of my negative attitude on life. I'm still failing at it sometimes, but I'm doing my best. Everything goes along a lot better when I just look at it with a bright perspective. Life seems a lot better even when it's not changing. I guess attitude really does make a huge difference.
